Body Image- our differences makes us unique

We keep hearing celebrities talk about how a negative body image is being created by the media and how even people around us creates unrealistic beauty standards and how we are misleading the youth from the truth of it all. This is absolutely unacceptable. It’s horrid. Especially young girls are victimised more than boys. Without a doubt I can say that. It gives boys the wrong idea that a girl should look like this or that. It gives girls the wrong idea that we should be in a particular shape size or colour. It makes us believe we have to wear certain clothes to look cool and accepted. The pressure is huge. Now there are filters and so much digital edits are being done; nothing you see on the screen can be believed.

Growing up I had this belief that I need to wear western clothes to be seen as a modern person. I was overweight throughout my teenage years and even now; making it pretty difficult to fit into jeans and t shirts that would suit my curvy shape. As Twinkle Khanna famously said salwars are more forgiving than any jeans! I was embarrassed about my weight and how I looked. My attitude towards my body image changed in the recent past say about 6 years or so.

I used to think in order to look stylish I have to fit into that jeans and top. Now I don’t. I own my curves. I no longer desperately try out those ever tight jeans up my legs. Thanks to the fashion industry in focusing on ethnic wears and bringing beautiful and convenient designs to our everyday wardrobe. I personally love the Kurtis that come with pockets. Convenience over fashion any day.

The media still wants you to have lighter skin tone, wear the latest fashion and dab your face with all the makeup you can get. So what really made my attitude change? I listened to sensible people for one and I realized I have nothing to feel ashamed about. I accepted myself. Yes I am over weight. I have all the curves and more a women should. That’s my body shape. I am not encouraging people to eat unhealthy or not work out. Actually I do try to eat as healthy as possible(rather than going on some diet that deprive me off good nutrients) and work out as much as I can. But I don’t have unrealistic goals. I know I am 35 years old and I have given birth to a baby and I have my curvaceous body. So my only goal is to work out and eat healthy to stay healthy and wear clothes that makes me look and feel good and not try to fit my body and shape according to standards some people out in the world  has set up.

Every day you are bombarded with ads saying you need to eat this and that to stay fit and healthy. You have to wear this skin lightning cream or must wear this clothes to look slim and attractive. And today we have more diets than ever.  So how can one get out of this false reality? First don’t believe what you see in ads. Companies are only focused on their sales and they will say and do anything to achieve their goal. Second think organic. Whatever you put into your body or on to your body should be something that you can find in nature in their natural state without too much processing. That’s said, I am not saying you shouldn’t do any make up or eat anything processed ever. But not on a regular basis. Eat sugars once in a while, put as much as less make up you can. I use lipsticks and kajal for special occasions only. So whatever little you can do you do that. I don’t use much make up. I am a house wife currently and don’t go out much. So I can do away with it. May be you cannot because you have to be at work or may be your work requires you to have some make up. Whatever you do; do it because you want to not because some people have pre decided that for you. I don’t wear heels because I have never been comfortable wearing them and I couldn’t learn how to walk in them and I kept falling down. So I don’t wear them at all.

At my work place I was asked not to wear ethnic clothes because it was affecting the image of the company and everyone should be in western clothes. That seemed highly prejudiced to me. I changed my office wear but I wondered why the HR dept. didn’t ask those who were coming in their burkhas to change as that would also be counted as ethnic. Of course there’s a religious belief involved in that. While mine was just a personal choice.

The world needs to accept diversity and stop trying to put a uniform on everyone. Our diversities makes us unique and interesting. Imagine a world with just one ethnicity, one language, only one cuisine, one art form, one profession, only one taste, one colour or even just one country. How boring it sounds already? We should remain one as human race but it is our differences that makes us want to experience life. Let us celebrate the uniqueness than destroy it.

Follow your heart

I passed my 10^th class with 80% marks and teachers and many people around me couldn’t understand why I was taking up commerce and advised that I should take up Science instead. I was good in Biology but I was equally good in many other subjects except may be for maths. Usually people tell u that you choose your career path by looking at what you are interested in and naturally talented with. I was good at a few things but I was not sure which path will lead to success. But I was sure that the path people  were asking me to take weren’t the ones I wanted to follow. I didn’t want to be in the medicine or engineering field which was the most and still is the most popular option parents usually force their kids to take up. Thanks to God my parents always allowed us to make our own choices.

When I was in college people urged me to take up banking test, while others told me to apply for government jobs. But I had a strong intuition that these job though paid well and are safe options, I am not going to be satisfied with it. During my business management course, I was asked to join a bank in their customer relation division for our summer internship program and I turned it down because of the very same intuition.  My goal was always to become a soft skill trainer and motivational speaker. Just I was not doing the right course for it which I later realized. I went on to work in Dubai after marriage and my work mostly involved a customer service and coordination job which I was good at but I was not excited about my job. I could never utilize all my skill set being in those positions as my heart was always in training.

It pained me to go to work.  I hated the commute. I couldn’t feel anything positive about my job. I was always stressed. Everything I had to do in my job made me feel worthless. I worked in a reputed firm and the office was located in one of the posh neighbourhood and I was getting paid a decent salary. But I knew this was not my cup of tea. I hated everything about my job.

Three years later we moved back home and had our son. Got busy with motherhood and people still asked why I quit and not working. As before my strong intuition told me that I would rather do one good job than do two half good or completely bad jobs. I wanted this for a long time. To be there at my child’s every milestone especially in the first few years and I wanted to fully enjoy everything motherhood had to offer. After couple of years I wanted to break away from being that full time stay at home mom. And many people within my family wasn’t supportive enough yet I decided to get a part time job as a Skill development executive a government part time contract job. A stepping stone into my dream job.

My job as a skill development executive required me to do a lot of preparation before sessions which meant I had to do a lot of work at home as well. With the added responsibility of a mother I had to work late at night at home to be ready for work the next day and I didn’t mind those late nights and juggling my duties as a mother. That’s because I knew I was enjoying my work.  Finally I was doing a job where I felt an inner satisfaction. I worked for a year and I am on a break right now.

I have always followed my heart and it has served me well. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t made mistakes. It was my decision to take up business management and it turned out to be a mistake but it was my mistake and I knew even if I am making a mistake I wouldn’t have to blame anyone else for them. I will only have myself. Even when things didn’t happen the way I hoped to I was glad that I don’t have anyone else to blame but myself. It may have been a mistake but it is from such mistakes that we learn. My business management course didn’t end up being completely useless. That certificate has served me well too. I worked in corporates for a few years and later in connection with teaching my students business communication as part of my job I could use the experiences form the course and the job I previously did. 

People are still asking me to get into a government job, again it’s the safest option but not one where I will be happy.  Money can bring happiness to the extent of getting you a few material things but job satisfaction and a passion to do my job on a daily basis is what I want. One of the reason I don’t like government jobs is that no matter how good you are at your job you might get transferred or even punished for doing the right things and your job. I do not want to get into the politics of those things. I lack the sharpness to hold a position in a government office and moreover my heart just not into it.

Society rates success on the business of the material things you own, the company you work for, the degree you hold, the position you hold in a company or the money you make, the institution you study in etc. Well, I don’t. These things don’t matter to me as long as I am able to do something I love, able to contribute to my society and earn from it no matter how big or small that job is.  It also means that I don’t get to go on foreign trips and buy luxury items in my life.  I am fine with that. I am content with whatever my job can earn me. Listen to your intuition. In the short-run you might not reap the benefits and but in the long run you will. I am still in the short run of my career, I am hoping to reap the benefits in the long run. I am telling my story right now because it is important that we talk about these things even at our struggling and trying times and not just after we succeed.

Take the risk. Follow your heart. Success will follow

A depressing world, calling for action.

Nov 19th 2019

The major headlines of today’s malayala manorama newspaper was about the mysterious death of IIT student Fathima Lathif and the ongoing strike at JNU Delhi over the hostel fee increment. Going through the entire paper most news I found to be negative- deaths, killings, robbery, scams, inflation, global warming, plastic waste and the list goes on. But one thing that did stood out with positivity and hope are our young kids in school who won the Big Q quiz, the schools that won the ‘Nalla Paadam’ (translated as Good Lesson) , the ongoing State sports competition winners and the youth festival participants getting geared up for the competition. I don’t know if it’s the media creating a full on negative image of our world or its complete reality. I am sure it is real to the most extent. The colourful advertisements telling us we can shop till we drop from outlets that offer the most discounts is the second thing that can lift up your mood as you read a newspaper otherwise it is depressing to know what’s going on around us.

No wonder why people move out of the country. We all want a less depressing life. But these are not the problems faced by one country. All around the world you can see this. May be a little less in other countries than us. The huge no of scams, murders and injustice being served in our country can give other countries a run for their money. When I see this hopeful faces of those students who are winning competitions and those who did not make it to any competition, I feel sad that in a few years’ time they are also going to be part of this depressing world. 

We all know what we have to do. For every problem we have come across people have found solutions too. But we are terrible at executing them consistently. Taking my own state into account, there are a number of factors we can be proud of ourselves but we have been celebrating them for too long like our literacy rate.  Have we done something more? We can read and write well great. We can offer more. We have become a consumer state and we do not create jobs. We are hoarding our minds with knowledge and our houses with material things, but have we really learnt to live life with meaning and share our wealth, time and energy by giving back to the society.

So the question everyone is dying to ask, what I have done to make our world a better place.  Well I started growing some vegetables in my backyard and planted couple of trees and I try to reuse as many plastic things I can and reduce the no of single use plastic as I can by taking my own bags for shopping and a lot more which I will write in detail in my next blog. I am part of ASAP( Additional Skill Acquisition Programme by the Dept. of Education Kerala), skilling students from backward communities. Though I am on a break now due to health reasons. Then I am using my blog to bring awareness. Now what we need is more action and less talk as most of us are aware of the problems and even the solutions.

Negative media

Today from news reporting to entertainment; media is spinning a web of negativity.  Everyday when you pick up the newspaper or put on a channel you get majority of negative news reporting.  People discusses hours and hours on a negative issue.  How much time are we spending on reporting reading watching and discussing positive good news? Very very less I understand.  Media has only one goal; to increase trp ratings. Those who sit at home and watch news are more interested in negative news than positive. We are helping them to spread negativity.  The power is with us.  We need to change our attitude.  A shift has to happen in our mindset.  We need to discuss more positive things than negative.  Issues needs to be addressed but the time we are spending on negative news is far more than positive good news.  I don't know how many good positive news gets reported daily. Most good news are kept short. The worst is social media.  People spread negativity to grab attention.  That's all there is to it.  If your newspaper or channel reports a negative news more people tend to tune into know about it out of curiosity.  Whether positive or negative news creates a curiosity in us and its normal. It creates unnecessary panic and anxiety in people when such negative news are aired and discussed over and over again for days together creating mountains out of mole hills.  There is no visible changes in actions and measures taken for the negative outcomes.  All social issues gets good media coverage and everything ends in the media discussion room.  Those who are trying their level best to bring about change are hitting against a wall everyday.  Any sensible suggestion  put forward is appreciated in public but when that same suggestion is to be followed in ones personal life.  We forget the rules and regulations.  Only a change in attitude can bring about any development for our country and that change starts with each one of us.  Lets not get hung up on negativity so much.  And start spreading positivity.  Make it a habit not to forward or create false news.  Negativity can only create more of it.  We are full of it.  We are being thrown negativity from every angle.  We are even fed negativity.  Let us empower ourselves and stop giving power to those who want to benefit out of negativity.

Parenthood

In the light of many unfortunate incidents happening all around the world where young adults and children are turning criminals i have a few thoughts to share to all parents out there. We have children for whom we are responsible for.  Our responsibility is not limited to their physical and intellectual growth but also to their mental well being. We Indians are family oriented.  We have a legacy of being family rooted people yet today we are out of focus today.  Priorities have shifted to merely providing materialistic things rather than actually helping our kids to become good human beings.  Whatever we teach our kids are only superficial knowledge.  There is a spirit in all of us let us not break it but build it.  I have only one dream for my son ever since he is born that he grow up to be a human being that both mankind and God appreciate and cherish.  People ask me what do you want him to be once he grow up.  He can choose any career he likes but all i want him to be is a good human being. For that to happen only wishing him well is not enough.  I can mould him the way i want.  I have the power to guide him to that dream i have for him.  For his physical intellectual mental and spiritual growth if i can be a guide for him then only that dream will come true.  A child is a huge responsibility therefore. Raising a kid should be an investment which when they become adults the society can reap benefit out of. Imagine every kid out there gets enough attention love and care from their parents the world would certainly be a better place.  People talk about making this world a better place.  I feel there is no better way than being good parents to children and raising them to be kind loving responsible adults to make this world better. All we need for evil to thrive in this world is for good people to do nothing. Most of the time parents just don't do anything for the mental and spiritual growth of the kids.  If you are not your children's guide they will eventually find someone else outside the family and most likely they  wont be as good as you or much worse.  We are taught to that we should make money and have a career get married and have kids.  But we are not taught how to be a good human being.  A good human being will be good in all his relationships.  We are evolving everyday. So we must keep on learning. There should be no end to learning.  There should be no end to our rejuvenation for we should constantly try to make ourselves better as humans.  For that to happen one should read.  A habit long lost in our culture.  A vast majority don't read or only read while in school or college. Our education should take us beyond learning generic information. It should provoke new thoughts in us.  Make us want to be proactive in life.  I am a 32 Year old stay at home mom since my son is born in 2015.  I still read on everything i can get on our physical mental and spiritual well being.  We need to learn and even unlearn from time to time.  Knowledge of any kind is infinite.  Unless we keep ourselves up to date how can we lead a better quality of life.  There is no perfect parent or children out there.  It is an evolution.  We are constantly changing ourselves.  We have an opportunity to change ourselves every day every hour that pass by.  Let us try and be active partners in our own evolution by reading and applying those things that could change our behaviour our thoughts our actions our attitude our selves thereby a whole family society or even a nation. 

The urge to marry

I was talking to a friend of mine recently about marriage proposals and she was saying she doesn't have a person she feels complled to get married to. I didn't think much of it then. But later when I came across a quote a thought sparked in me. The quote was as follows:

"Great marriage does not happen out of luck or by accident. They are the result of a consistent investment of time, thoughtfulness, forgiveness, affection, prayer, mutual respect and a rock solid commitment between husband and wife".

When I went on to ask my then friend now husband if he liked me more than just a friend way this so called compulsion to be with that person was non existent. I had a feeling instead and thought to myself here is a guy I could marry. He seem like the kind  I can spend the rest of my life with. There were lot of uncertainties but i took a leap of faith and so I went on to discuss marriage with him.

After that we spoke more about our expectations of a life partner, marriage, family, career kids etc. It was never anything about the external factors of physical beauty educational qualification wealth etc.that attracted me about him. My focus was on the internal.  Ofcourse those external factors did matter but my primary focus was on the internal.

If you ask me the so called compulsion to be woth someone is something that grows with the passage of time. If the compulsion doesn't grow probably that person isn't the right one for you. This compulsion should strengthen if it is the right kind you were looking for. 

I have come across several views on marriage. One goes like this, marriage is like a box which is empty at first. Then you fill it with love care, attention, forgiveness, patience and trust. You can take out only what you put in and you can never take out more than what you have put in.

Marriage should be a choice. Those who enter it should know what it means to them and those who dont wish to be married should be allowed ro remain single without being judgmental. To each his own. 

  

What I Liked About "The Kabab Maker & The Consultant"

When I picked up this book, I was new to the author and I chose to buy this book only because I found the title of the book very interesting.  Even after reading the back cover of the book I thought the entire book must be about what the title says. But mistakenly, but in a good way it wasn’t and I am glad I could thoroughly enjoy the short stories author Mr. Arum Sikka has narrated in his book.

When I finished reading the first chapter named Derailed; I was a bit confused. I felt I was reading from the mid section of a book because I felt I was missing something. But I turned to the second chapter New moon and by the time I finished it; I wanted to read more about it and felt a bit sad that I couldn’t read more of that story.

The third chapter of course was the book’s title story and it was a fascinating one as the name and it will make us laugh and think at the same time. The Fourth Chapter ‘Three Women in a Kitchen” and the tenth one named ‘Flowers that Blush Unseen’ made me think about people from different genera’s of life and how they get along sometimes and how they help out one another and how tough times brings together people who are good at heart and we see in them something we have missed to see before.

I loved the way how the author has presented corruption , injustice and immorality with a clear sense of humor and has shed light on the age old saying of how good triumphing over evil in Chapters ‘Oh, to sing the songs I Like’, ‘Savior’, ‘ A holy War’& ‘Ambush’.

The 11^th Chapter in the book ‘ The Journey is the destination’ was really touching. The last chapter in the book ‘The Gift of Giving’ left me a little disappointed like the first one. I wanted something more out of it.

The chapter that entertained me the most was ‘Three journeys randomly taken & God’s will’. After reading this particular chapter I felt as if I just watched a movie, the experience was really thrilling and I loved every single moment of it.

All in all I would recommend my friends to read this book by Mr. Sikka. It is like small capsules of wisdom coated stories; a book worth investing in. It was lovely reading and I as a common reader would give him 4 Out of 5.